There and Back

A journey. A return. Probably tired.

Month: January 2022

  • Why I Do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

    Have you ever heard of benign masochism and contrast theory?

    Benign BJJ Masochism

    I’m still hooked on a fantasy book, but I’m easing my way back into a non-fiction book. Instead of trying to read several non-related non-fiction works, I will try and read one at a time and allow myself to digest one topic at a time. Too many non-fiction at once can cancel themselves out and I don’t retain much of the info.

    I’ve picked up a new non-fiction book called The Sweet Spot by Paul Bloom. “The Sweet Spot shows how the right kind of suffering sets the stage for enhanced pleasure. Pain can distract us from our anxieties and help us transcend the self.” (source)

    I’ve recently been thinking – why do I do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu? I mean, you could say that since I wrestled for six years during middle school and high school, that I have an interest in grappling sports. And I do enjoy watching MMA PPVs (streaming online, never pay for them heh). But why now? Why did I join jiu jitsu at the age of 36? I do eat well more often then not and I workout but not as much as I should. I also quit drinking and smoking pot. All of those keep me in decent shape. But I’m not as flexible as I used to be. I’m not as fast as I used to be. In general, I’m not nearly as athletic as I used to be.

    I’m a white belt to the max. I started training BJJ last October 2021, I’ve had a few injuries that took me out for a few weeks, and was off for almost a month because of the stupid shutdowns/lockdowns in the city. We open back up next Monday, finally. That means the BJJ gym is opening back up and I get to roll around with strangers and try not to get choked out or have a limb broken. So why the heck would anyone want to do Brazilian jiu jitsu?

    After reading a few chapters of The Sweet Spot, I thought perhaps me doing BJJ was a form of ‘benign masochism.’ Which is a term coined by Professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, Paul Rozin. The term benign masochism, “[…] refers to certain types of voluntary pain and suffering, most of which don’t have anything to do with sex.” (The Sweet Spot, by Paul Bloom). Could that be why I like rolling?

    But the very next paragraph it says, “It doesn’t include activities that can damage one’s body or cause severe pain—it’s benign, after all. Getting yourself crucified, as some of the faithful do in the Philippines during Easter, is not benign masochism. The pleasure and pain of saunas is usually a good example of benign masochism” and “Rather, benign masochism refers to the choice to pursue activities that are normally painful or unpleasant but not harmful. We sniff with curiosity at food we know to be rotten, touch a sore tooth gingerly with our tongue, press down on a sprained ankle. We watch movies that make us cower and cry. We eat spicy food and immerse ourselves in hot baths.”

    So is BJJ a form of benign masochism? People certainly do pursue BJJ which is an activity that is normally painful and definitely at times unpleasant. But it can result in harm. For example, I bruised my ribs one week and another week tore a muscle in my pelvis – both very painful. Maybe it’s something like benign masochism, but not exactly like it. For example, like any combat or grappling sport – or any sport for that matter – people put themselves through physical pain while training, but feel great after they train. And the training adds to their overall well-being. So what the heck is going on?

    Contrast Theory

    “Part of the story of benign masochism, then, is that we sometimes play with pain in order to maximize the contrast with future experience, so as to generate future pleasure.” and “Sometimes the contrast that enhances pleasure comes from the comparison with an actual past experience, and sometimes it’s from the contrast with expectations […]”

    Maybe one reason I put myself through jiu jitsu training, is that the positive aspects that come from training – fitness, cardio, confidence – outweigh the negative aspects of BJJ – pain and harm. Perhaps I put myself through potential pain and possible harm in order to generate future pleasure. For example, when I am driving home after jiu jitsu, even though I am tired and exhausted, I feel like I have more energy overall. I get excited and want to share my experience with others (like tweeting about all the time). And when I have a shower when I get home, the hot water runs over my mat burns and it stings a lot. But it reminds me of the hard work I put in that night at the BJJ gym. When it comes to the comparison aspect of the Contrast Theory, maybe I’m comparing my experience to a past experience of not doing BJJ and not having anything challenging in my life. Woah that feels more introspective after writing it than I was expecting. Maybe in some way I wanted to shake things up in my life?

    Understanding Your Self

    “Why would you ever want to escape from your self? Well, as [social psychologist] Baumeister points out, self-awareness carries a burden. In everyday life, you need to make decisions that you’re responsible for, often disappointing others. You need to put a good face forward to the world; you have to manage your desires and deal with disappointment and guilt and shame. You’re stuck with your memories, your worries about the future, and your anxieties about the immediate present. You are left with that same internal monologue, maybe a bit whiny, that you have had for a very long time.”

    Before looking into BJJ, I got engaged to my fiancé, and was heading back to work in September 2021 after a summer of not working very much which sucked and I don’t ever want to do again. Now I’m happy to be working and making money and I am excited to get married this summer. But at the end of last summer, I guess something was missing. It turned out that I needed to physically challenge myself in some way. The lockdowns due to the pandemic didn’t help at all either. I needed to be around people. And what better way to do that than roll around on a mat with a stranger and sweat all over them while trying to inflict pain on each other?

    Nostalgia

    I had so much fun when I used to wrestle. The active life, the friendships, the results from hard work – and many more positive things I cannot recall – made my wrestling experience something I sometimes still think about. Nostalgia is another reason I joined BJJ. Again, I had such a great experience in my youth with wrestling, that I wanted to recreate the feelings of triumph and team camaraderie that I enjoyed so much. But nostalgia is a double-edged sword. I read that nostalgia seems to also be a way to counter the effects of loneliness. However, it depends because in some instances, it can increase the level of loneliness someone feels if they are already quite lonely. Nostalgia makes us feel comfortable, until it doesn’t.

    Reasons

    I guess one thing I can say for certain, is that people pursue BJJ for many reasons. Those reasons could be to learn self-defence, to get or stay active, to challenge themselves, to meet knew people (BJJ is great for that), and of course to put themselves through pain to get pleasure. It could be some of those reasons or all of them.

    These days I cannot stop thinking about jiu jitsu. I have so much fun I think everyone should at least give it a try. Again, I’m the whitest of white belts, but I hope I stick with it for as long as I can.

    I’m not sure if BJJ falls under the category of an activity that is benign masochism. I don’t completely understand Contrast Theory. And I’m still trying to figure out if nostalgia is the main reason I got back in to a grappling sport. But I do know I’m on to something and I’m on the right track to figuring out why I joined a Brazilian jiu jitsu gym.

    I’m glad I wrote this post, it’s helping me parse through my thoughts about why I am doing jiu jitsu.

    Why did you join? Or if you haven’t, why not?

    (photo is of me in the change-room before BJJ class started. I like getting there early so I can mind-prep before we get ‘er going.)

  • Getting Discouraged in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

    A short video on why you should stop feeling sorry for yourself and go choke someone instead.

    I got choked hard by my partner right in front of the instructor, apparently the instructor was telling me “don’t give him the choke, you’re giving him the choke!” I couldn’t hear. My ears were plugged, face was smushed, and I could barely breathe. I panicked. I should have tapped sooner, but my ego almost made me go unconscious. I eventually tapped. Then my partner said, “Why did you give me that choke, didn’t you hear the instructor?” Nope I did not. Apparently I’m not supposed to put my arms across my face when in the bottom, that’s choke-city.

    At the end of the class, when we line up and bow, I couldn’t look at the instructor. And when we all walked in a line and gave each other fist-bumps I didn’t say anything to anyone. After that, my pattern wanted to show me what I did wrong. I reluctantly agreed. I was being polite but I just wanted to leave the gym as soon as possible. I was quite embarrassed and in a lot of pain from an injury I got the week before. After class, I was sitting in my car whining and wincing. Never thought I would get like that to be honest.

    Since starting bjj I was in great spirits and didn’t let anything bother me if I was losing in a roll or didn’t understand a technique. But the night I got choked right in front of the instructor it hurt me, and my ego. Being a white belt, I’m very excited to learn this martial art, am full of piss-and-vinegar, as they say. I have to slow down and check my ego more often.

    Emotion will get the best of me in this sport if I allow them too, I read that in a jiu jitsu book I recently purchased, and boy is that ever true. I’m taking this week off (Nov29) to rest my injury and get my mind right. Then get back to it, just keep showing up is my cure.

    When you get discouraged, don’t give up. Keep showing up and check your negative emotions as soon as you can. Breath and remember the long-game. You’ll be here awhile so don’t rush yourself. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you on the mats.

  • 30 Random Thoughts on Quitting Booze and Weed

    If we accomplish things that are hard, we should give ourselves credit. And share it with others. Since quitting booze (for two years) and pot (four months), I often think about the positive effects its had on my life. Here are 30 of those thoughts…

    It’s been over four months since I quit pot, after consuming it for almost two decades. I feel so much better.

    Parts of my body that improved after quitting booze and pot: skin, scalp, hair, brain, finger nails, nasal passage, throat, stomach, and gut. I’m probably missing some. But basically I became a new person. Give it a try

    I’m glad I don’t smoke pot or drink booze anymore. I would never have joined a jiu jitsu class. And if I did, there’s no way I would have lasted two months at it. Good decisions all around, give it a try.

    When I drank booze and smoked pot everyday, I was always in a hurry. Hurried mind and hurried feet. Confusion and commotion. But not doing anything important. After quitting both bad habits, my mind and body are at a good pace. More deliberate and intentional.

    One of the many benefits of quitting pot was that my ability to dream while asleep came back, with a vengeance. These past five months have been wild.

    Almost all of my anxiety went away when I quit smoking pot. Don’t smoke pot.

    Tracking my money just tells me I eat too much lol. Although for me it’s better then spending it on booze and pot.

    Instead of smoking pot, try not smoking pot.

    Those who say they smoke weed to “chill out” or say “It’s for my anxiety” are kidding themselves. Total BS. It increases anxiety ten-fold. Most people shouldn’t smoke pot.

    Was spending many hundreds of dollars a month on booze and pot. What a waste. Nowadays, I actually have money saved in the bank for things that are good for me: gym, bjj, a night out with my future wife. Not feeding my substance abuse is a positive investment in my future. Try it

    I thought I was always right. I thought everyone else was wrong. I never payed attention. I wasn’t present. After quitting pot, I’m more aware. More open. More accepting. Gain more by smoking less.

    After quitting booze and pot, I’m barely ever anxious, don’t get stressed as much, and little things don’t bother me like they used to. Boozing hard doesn’t help our insecurities. Pot doesn’t help with our anxiety. Try quitting both for a month and see what happens.

    Quit booze and pot. Join a BJJ gym. Buy some crypto. Try a side hustle. Find someone and get married. What did I miss?

    All my immediate family members said how much I’ve changed after quitting booze and pot. No more paranoia, no more random anger spurts, and no more major stomach-condition spasms – to name a few. I’m lucky to have them in my life. Hope you have a similar support network as well.

    Quitting booze and pot was the best thing I ever did for my health. All areas improved: sleep, energy, complexion, you name it. What I’m basically saying is that I’m beautiful and you can be too.

    Instead of taking the prescribed anti-depressant medication, I flushed them down the toilet. Quit pot and got a BJJ membership instead. 10/10 would recommend.

    My girlfriend told me that, since quitting pot, my mood has changed drastically for the better. When I was stoned all the time, I would either be really happy or really not happy. Now it has evened out and relatively “normal” (my words). Should have done this a decade ago.

    After quitting booze, my libido took a hit. Got it back. After quitting pot, my libido took another hit. At 36yo, making drastic changes to my diet and health have had a bigger impact than I’d like to admit. Luckily, I bought some Korean Red Ginseng so fingers crossed 🤞

    1. Quit smoking pot

    2. Work on Active Listening Skills

    3. Get an exercise routine

    4. F**k no to Citalopram!

    This is a good list.

    Quitting booze and weed was the best thing I did to help improve my relationship with my gf and immediate family. I highly recommend it.

    After quoting booze and weed, my soul feels calmer.

    My mind is way more calmer after quitting alcohol and weed. My mind doesn’t race, it doesn’t run wild, and stays on the path. Now I can slow down and focus on the things that matter, instead of letting my addictions take control. Take back control and consider quitting.

    Real friends don’t shame you for quitting alcohol or weed. Real friends congratulate you. I hope you have real friends when the time comes for you to quit your substance-abuse.

    You don’t have anxiety. You just smoke too much weed.

    Quitting booze is the new punk rock.

    Two years sober from booze. It’s a good feeling.

    Doing No-gi bjj practice with strangers on a Friday night is greater than > Doing shots of booze at a bar with strangers on a Friday night. You’ll feel sore the next day with both, but only one helps you improve.

    The dread we feel and fear we fight, will all go away if you stop drinking booze alone at night.

    I don’t mean to sound preachy about my quitting booze. It was such a positive lifestyle change for me, that I want to share that with others in the hopes they consider quitting too.

    If I can quit booze and pot after consuming it for 15 years, you can too. If you have any questions about what my experience has been like (health, social, relationships, etc.) feel free to DM. Happy to help

    -D

  • 25 More Random Thoughts on Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

    Where I live, as of writing this, the fitness gyms are closed and the BJJ gyms are closed. But I can’t stop thinking about jiu jitsu. Here are 25 + more random thoughts on Brazilian jiu jitsu. (read here for the first 25)

    1. I put my gi pants on an hour before jiu jitsu training. Is this normal? I wonder if other white belts do this.

    2. The techniques in jiu jitsu are endless. For example, you could smell really bad to distract your opponent, or you could smell really good to distract your opponent. So many possibilities

    3. You will get submitted, choked, and bruised in jiu jitsu. Learn how to take a beating and you will get better. Focus on survival. One day the tides will turn in your favour. Apply this to life in general.

    4. “Jiu jitsu shows men that they are not as strong as they thought, and it shows women that they are much stronger than they thought.” -Unknown

    5. As a white belt in jiu jitsu, I need to learn to Survive before I learn to Attack. Defence before Offence. Fundamentals before Complexity. Basics before Sophistication. Showing Up before Showing Off.

    6. A good book for jiu jitsu white belts is called, ‘Jiu Jitsu University’ by Saulo Ribeiro and Kevin Howell. “It is not important that others are watching while you are failing. It only matters that you try.”

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    7. Tonight in jiu jitsu, I learned that you can use your opponents gi to isolate a limb to try and pass their guard. For example, trapping their arm and shoulder while moving to half guard or full mount. This is fascinating to me, my white belt brain is blown.

    8. Going to the long Saturday jiu jitsu class today. One hour technique practice followed by one hour rolling (five, five minute rolls with breaks in between). Open to all belt levels. My gf said, “please don’t get injured for Cuba next week. What’s that saying, tap a lot tap often”

    9. Just got out of a jiu Jitsu class. It was 10 five minute rolling sessions. I rolled with men, women, white belts, blue belts, purple and brown belts. I got submitted by all of them, but I survived longer than I expected to. I learned a lot. Saturday’s are my new favourite class.

    10. I have almost no idea how to attack or submit my opponent in jiu jitsu. I only attempt simple collar chokes. I’m focusing on learning defence first, survival. I get submitted a lot, but I last longer before I do. That’s progress.

    11. I rarely watch jiu jitsu Youtube videos. I feel it’s not practical for a white belt like myself. I need experience in the fundamentals, not to try a cool looking choke I saw online.

    12. Instead of watching endless videos on technique, I’m reading one of the most popular books on the martial art, Jiu Jitsu University. Practical info I can actually apply, slower pace so I can digest it, and first focuses on defence and survival. Great for white belts like me.

    13. Reminder: you don’t HAVE to go to jiu jitsu class if you don’t want to. Also, you should probably go to jiu jitsu class.

    14. If you don’t go to jiu jitsu class, at least go to the gym.

    15. Tonight I came to the gym instead of jiu jitsu class. Better to do something rather than nothing. And believe me, I didn’t want to do either. Now I’ll definitely sleep well tonight.

    16. Working out at the gym will make me better in jiu jitsu class. And vise versa.

    17. I’m glad I don’t smoke pot or drink booze anymore. I would never have joined a jiu jitsu class. And if I did, there’s no way I would have lasted two months at it. Good decisions all around, give it a try.

    18. There is a jiu jitsu tournament hosted in my city late next year. That’s a new fun goal for me. Might even go to one in T.O. before that and see how I do. 2022 is the year of Competition and Testing myself.

    19. A goal of mine for 2022, is to enter at least one jiu jitsu tournament. No matter how well I do, the experience alone will be worth it.

    20. Some fun afternoon reading on jiu jitsu. Survival is my goal, Defence is my mindset.

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    21. Jiu Jitsu Rolling > Jiu Jitsu Books > Jiu Jitsu Videos

    22. Thinking of opening my own jiu jitsu school on a beach. We’d roll in sand and the belts would be ranked by sea shells.

    23. If they close the jiu jitsu gyms, I’ll riot.

    24. Update: Looks like I’ll be rioting.

    25. Things I’ve done since the pandemic started…
    -Moved in with gf
    -Got engaged
    -Picked up one new client
    -Joined Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
    -Visited Cuba
    Don’t stop living.

    BONUS 5!

    26. Hopefully the jiu jitsu gym opens again soon. So I can go back to tweeting about jiu jitsu.

    27. Why did I join a jiu jitsu gym and not a running club or pick-up basketball league? It’s not just because I have flat feet and too short. There’s another, deeper reason. I must ponder on this…

    28. Why did I join a jiu jitsu gym? I’ve been thinking about this more often lately. I don’t like being choked or having my limbs broken. It’s not just the learning to defend myself. It’s all the other things I learn about myself, that I either didn’t know or forget. Even now at 36.

    29. A great way to step out of your comfort zone is to step onto a jiu jitsu mat.

    30. I said No to antidepressants and Yes to jiu jitsu. This is the way.

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