There and Back

A journey. A return. Probably tired.

Month: October 2022

  • Losing a Match in a Jiu Jitsu Competition

    I’m 0-2 in jiu jitsu competition.

    Remember when I said not to get discouraged in jujitsu? I should’ve taken my own advice.

    “Our Jiu-jitsu game is so personal to us that we take losing personal. We need to approach it more from a scientific approach. You don’t suck, you just haven’t figured out the answer yet. The failures are going to bring you to enough knowing that you can then formulate the answer.”

    Jiu Jitsu journal coaching (username)

    I was pretty bummed out after my competition loss a couple weeks ago. Haven’t been to the mats since. But hey as long as I show up this week it’s all good. Another chapter in my jiu jitsu story.

    “Don’t get hung up on electrical tape [belt stripes] used for student retention. Be content in the feeling of improvement”

    -raging cheddar(username)

    I’ve benefited a lot from jiu jitsu since starting it just over a year ago. Some weeks I would train almost everyday. I watch grappling matches online, I will tell people they should go to a free trial class, and I often write about my experiences with bjj on this blog and social media. I guess you could say my identity was wrapped around being a person who does jiu jitsu. I have to remind myself that jiu jitsu is a part of me but doesn’t encompass everything about me. So when I lose in a bjj match that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person or that my current bjj skills cannot improve. Most people who compete in jiu jitsu are supposed to lose, so they can get better.

    “First at jits, got my ass kicked – the guys surrounded me after class and said “you coming back right?” I said, “yeah, why wouldn’t I” – they said “most people don’t, they can’t handle getting dominated” – you are the few, just remember that #Respect”

    -CRYPTOFIT (username)

    Losing in a jiu jitsu match and getting your ass kicked in front of a bunch of strangers sucks. I have to remember that no one cares and to make sure to sign up for another competition. Feeling bummed after you lost another BJJ match is normal. Just make sure you show up to class again and not let that loss define who you are. I’ll be back this week.

    photo taken from this rulebook.pdf

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  • What it’s Like Being Married for 2 Years

    I like being married. I don’t know what all the fuss is about. I remember when I was in my late twenties, riding my bike through a subdivision in my city. And thinking, “I don’t ever want to live in suburbia with a family, I don’t want that life.” I think I even wrote a blog post about it back then. At the time I was biking through suburbia, I was deep into the dating scene. I looked up dating advice online, took it seriously, and applied it. I know, I can hear you laughing through the screen. But the self-improvement aspect of it did improve my overall well-being.

    I can’t imagine dating these days. I did the whole swiping-online dating when I was younger. I bet it’s even harder to get dates these days and meet someone you like. Is it?

    I’m glad I got married when i did. Not too young, not too old. It was the right time. I remember when my wife asked me to marry her. We had just finished unpacking our travel bags at my parents place on the lake. I was putting something away and turned around and she handed me a few pieces of paper. She was going to read it herself but was overcome with emotion so I read it instead. It was a beautiful letter with a proposal at the end. I did not expect that. I looked up and she was down on one knee with a little box with a ring in it. I remember thinking to myself, ‘Do I want to get married?‘ Nothing came to mind that told me not to, and I was overcome with excitement. “Yes, yes!”

    Her hand was shaking when we put on the rings. We hugged and kissed. We were engaged. When I was younger and dating around, I remember telling myself ‘I don’t think I’ll ever get married’ Turns out I was wrong. I’m okay with that.

    We got married June 2022. It was a fun reception and wedding. We did it differently. We went to City Hall and got married legally with a judge, then had a reception at ther parents house backyard with her giant Colombian family. There wasn’t even all of them there. There was dancing and food, just what I like. At the end of the month, my immediate family – brother, his wife, my mom and dad – visited and we had a wedding ceremony at my wife’s parents back yard. My Older brother and my wife’s sister were the MCs. It went well.

    Being married is good. We enjoy spending time together. And we enjoy doing our own thing without one another. For example, if I’m on the couch writing on my computer, and her on the other couch watching a show, it’s all good. Her family likes me and my family likes her. We’re both lucky.

    When I quit drinking and then quit pot, it was the best decision I’ve ever made for myself. Because not only did my quality of life improve but so did my relationships. I’m still working on being a better son, brother, and husband. But not being a degenerate anymore was the right move.

    This is getting longer than I thought. I’ll stop here. Let me finish this off with:
    Get married if you want to.
    It was a good thing for me.
    Maybe it’s not for everyone.
    But before you do you should probably go on a self-improvement binge. It’ll help.

  • Have You Ever Switched BJJ Gyms?

    Here are some thoughts from other people (on Twitter) about staying or leaving their jiu jitsu gym:

    “I switched due to moving (changing states) – but did a fair amount of research & drop-ins before picking my “new home.” Don’t listen to any #Creonte type BS – Bottom Line, it’s a business & you’re the customer. Pick a place that suits you, your training needs/goals, etm.” -Matt

    “I switched gyms and never looked back. Didn’t realize just how toxic my old gym was until I got out and got into a much healthier environment.” -Becky

    “I’m on my third. No reason, just wanted to get different perspectives and training partners. Still friendly with my former academies and teammates.” -Nicolas

    “Coming back to the mat after 20 years away, I switched gyms. I’ve had 35 lessons so far. All good. The previous gym is where I received my blue belt which in the grand scheme of things is low level. My new gym – Professor says “train where every you want”. I go to open mats.” -Peter

    “I’ve moved academies twice. 1st time was from an affiliate to the HQ so was not too hard. Went as a blue and was promoted to purple there. Covid/post covid moved to my current gym been 2 years and promoted to brown. Took a bit to get use to though” -Ray

    “In December I moved from the DFW area to northern Indiana. I had been training for 7.5 years there was a blue belt. I have been here 9 months now and have been accepted and promoted to purple. My approach was to focus on being a good student and teammate. And let everything else play out on it’s own. I’m happy with where we landed. I do miss my old gym and teammates (planning a trip to visit soon). Happy to be a further resource if any questions arise.” -Brad

    “Yup. Your gym is a business that provides a service. If another gym’s service makes more sense to you, then go there. I switched due to location. It was between a 40 min drive and a 20 min drive. My new one also has more class times, so I can train more often.” -Tommy

    Here is a question I got from Twitter:

    “What has your experience been like switching gyms? I love where I am but there’s another nice place that I’ve visited that’s much closer to where I live.”

    I’m still at the Gracie Barra I signed up with. I like the people and the instructors there. I also like how many people there compete, which is where I’d like to focus my BJJ game towards as opposed to just the self-defence aspect of jiu jitsu.

    There are five (I think) other BJJ gym in my city. A blue belt recently told me he’s been to all of them and think this Gracie Barra is the best in terms of the calibre of the jiu jitsu being taught. Sounds good to me!

    Pros of my current gym:
    – lots of people compete, opportunity to focus more on competition BJJ
    – it’s close to my house
    – my wife and her brother signed up there as well
    – the head instructor is chill and we don’t have to bow before we go on and get off the mats
    – instructors aren’t strict with the adult class while still following the curriculum correctly and we also sometimes learn new techniques that aren’t part of the curriculum
    – instructors aren’t assholes and enjoy having fun sometimes, friendly
    – If you don’t have a Gracie Barra Gi you can still join and train

    Cons of my current gym:
    – the change room is too small
    – there are so many members that I find it hard to get long, meaningful one-on-one instruction (although I haven’t asked about private lessons)
    – classes are only one hour, I would love two hour classes
    – there’s only one, one hour open mat a week, I wish there was one every day
    – there is only two No Gi classes a week
    – it’s expensive, $135 a month

    The pros outweigh the cons. Not enough reasons to leave my current gym. And thank goodness it’s not a McDojo (“McDojo is a pejorative term (in the same vein as “McMansion” and “McChurch”) referring to martial arts academies (generally located in the Western world) which, rather than being honestly committed to teaching students, are instead concerned primarily with amassing profits.“

    Have you ever switched BJJ gyms?

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