Month: January 2026

• The Benefits of Life

  “Accidental Death or Dismemberment” the benefits package says. I’ve never had life insurance. If I die today my wife is screwed. I just have to last a few more weeks and my probation period is over and I finally get my work benefits. Don’t worry I’m not looking to leave this earth yet. Not looking to leave my body and return to the non-local consciousness ground-of-all-being-thing. Nope. It’s that I’m looking forward to feeling the relief of knowing that when the time comes, my wife will be okay financially if something were to happen to me. Lets see, what else does the benefit package say… ah yes the Drug Plan. Eighty to one hundred percent coverage. Looks like my stomach pills are going from $40 to $8 or even $0. Here’s one I’m definitely excited about: Vision care. “$350 every 2 calendar years Eye exams once every 2 calendars years (every year for children under age 21)”. My eyes are getting worse. I was reluctant to get glasses for so long and when I finally did it turns out both my eyes have what’s called Astigmatism, “is a common refractive error, not an eye disease, that causes blurred or distorted vision at all distances. It occurs when the front surface of the eye (cornea) or the internal lens has an irregular, mismatched curvature,” I like to think that my eyes are shaped like footballs because that’s funny to me. Okay we’ll do one more, Paramedical Professionals benefits. Which include: Chiropractors, Osteopath, Naturopath, Chiropodist/Podiatrist, Speech Therapist, Acupuncturist, Massage Therapist, Dietician, Psychologists, Physiotherapist. I don’t know what all of those are but I want to do each one just for fun. Having work benefits makes me feel like I’m Secure. That’s what we all want, right?

  But I don’t have them, yet. I just have to SURVIVE a bit longer.

  

  2026.01.29

• Open Mat Reflections – January 24, 2026

  I submitted a black belt. Holy shit. It was with a cross collar choke from the back. I remember him saying oh shit right when I got a grip on the cross collar and put my other hand in like a half-Nelson-type grip/position. We weren’t going really hard, that’s actually one of the reasons I enjoy sparring with him. But it was definitely the top highlight in jiu jitsu of the last year I’ve been grappling.

  I can’t stress this enough: grip fighting is Jiu jitsu. Always start there! And never stop practicing it!

  Only went twice this month so far but rolled pretty well. My endurance and cardio are crap but hey it’s winter time and I got a bit of a belly.

  And I also heard Mikey Musumeci is learning wrestling from Dagestanis? I’ll believe it when I see it.

  

  2026.01.29

• How to Produce a Sample for an Advanced Semen Analayis at a Fertility Clinic

  Going in for an “advanced semen analysis” at a fertility clinic today. They said in the email “Due to high patient volumes, if producing at the clinic, we encourage you to bring headphones for your comfort.”

  The thought of hearing a bunch of other dudes trying to ‘produce at the clinic’ will in fact not help me ‘produce’ anything. I didn’t realize until today, Game Day as I’m calling it, that I had the option to ‘produce’ before the appointment and just bring in a sample.

  “The test is NOT covered by insurance, and costs $150.00. To ensure an accurate sample, you will need to abstain (no ejaculation) for no less than 2 days, but no more than 5 days.”

  My wife and I have both been sick for two weeks. So it’s been more than five days, hope my sample is accurate.

  The email goes on, “If you are dropping off a sample at the clinic the Advance Semen Analysis form MUST be completed and the time that the sample was produced MUST be documented.”

  Complete the form right after ‘producing’ and make sure to document. Wash your hands before completing the form, you don’t want your sample to mess up the form.

  “You must use a sterile sample container, a sample cup can be picked up here at [the clinic], the cups are located outside of our office in a basket during buisiness hours. Please provide your sample a half hour after producing, keeping the sample at body temperature during transport.”

  Yeah that’s sounds like a lot of work I think I’ll just jerk off with those other dudes.

  UPDATE: it went well

  

  

  

  

  

  2026.01.24

• Woo woo

  Dan Brown is a gangster. When I was waiting in the tiny waiting room at the hospital with my wife, you know the smaller waiting room with the bed and machines that go beep, you know the third waiting room after the intermediate waiting room which is after the first waiting room with all the plebs. We were in the waiting room that makes you feel like the characters from that Judgmental Volturi meme which is a screengrab from one of the Twilight films. In any case, I was reading Dan Brown’s latest novel called The Secret of Secrets. I can’t put it down. Each chapter ends on a cliff hanger and the book is so simple to read and it’s written like a script. Turns out it’s gonna be a show series sometime soon I hope. I don’t usually read novels like that but a person on social media recommended it because it was “trippy.” So I looked into what it was about and it has to do with human consciousness. Which is a topic I was really into back in the day when I was a pot head stoner degenerate loser. I loved watching video of a dude name Amit Goswami. A PhD Quantum physicist, bestselling author, and pioneer of Consciousness Studies. He says some absolutely outrageous stuff about consciousness and quantum thingamabobs and whatchamacallits. Anyways check out the Dan Brown book and some Amit videos. It’s time to start reading and watching more woo woo stuff. We need more woo in our lives. 

  

  

  2026.01.20

• C’est la vie

  My boss has 12 Bitcoin. Currently that’s $1,157,478.72 USD. He was wearing a twenty five thousand dollar watch today. One of many in his collection. Get him talking about watches. That’s how I build rapport with him. Smile nod and say things like “wow” and “no way.” Let him talk more than me. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind chatting about watches and I wish I had an expensive hobby like collecting top tier timepieces. I have a $40 Casio. My most expensive hobby right now is jiu jitsu. $135 a month. I’ve only gone eight times in three months. No wonder I got my ass kicked last time I went to open mat. Speaking of ass kicking, I have a $600 vet bill coming up. My older dog needs an eyelid tumour removed. Poor guy. I’m sure he’ll be fine. I bet if I had mined Bitcoin in the early 2000s like my boss did I would be able to afford a hundred dog eye tumour removals. C’est la vie. Así es la vida. Such is life. Maybe next time when I’m reincarnated as a sysadmin I’ll be rolling in cash. Here’s hoping. 

  

  2026.01.14

• The Dream

  Turns out I did get sick. Bummer. Just a cold. Probably should have got the flu shot. Maybe next year. Maybe. Well at least I get to work from home today. I already closed two tickets, the users email signature was formatted with borders when it’s not supposed to be and only when they were replying to an email. Found a temporary fix, took some screenshots, and sent them a How To so they can manually change it themselves when they reply to an email. Even if they don’t do that who cares. They can still send and receive emails and those issues were more Cosmetic and didn’t interfere with the users job. Fuck em. Happy to help. Working from home is pretty sweet. This isn’t the first time I’ve done work-from-home. I did it during the lock-downs. Don’t get me started on the lock-downs. Working from home then was good then it got rough. Because I was smoking weed 24/7 and it really got to me. Picture this, getting out of bed five minutes before having to be in a Zoom meeting. One minute before the meeting starts ripping a huge bong hit and blowing all the smoke out while pressing the ‘join chat’ button. Those were wild times. But now since I don’t smoke or drink anymore I think I’d like to work from home. Maybe in the future. Maybe when my wife and I have children I can work-from-home doing IT tickets and be a stay-at-home dad. That’s the dream. That’s a good dream

  

  2026.01.13

• Breaking and Entering

  My boss walked into my office eating from a small bag of potato chips. He whispers that he wants me to sit in on a termination of an employee (firing) so I can see how it’s done. I’m nervous. He showed me how to remote into a computer with the command prompt open and then shut down the computer using “shutdown /s /t 0 /f” that is great power to have as a sysadmin. They do this so the person being fired doesn’t go on a rampage and damage the system or delete company assets or try to break in to the building at ten o’clock at night and smash windows and break a photocopier machine that costs tens of thousands of dollars while also carrying an eight inch blade. Apparently that actually happened once here. That person was promptly arrested and spent a few years in jail, also due to some prior arrests. This will be an exciting week. 

  

  2026.01.08

• Off Grid

  I have to get a dude to put his finger in my butt. And possibly a camera. Hold on hold on hold on. No not like that. I turned forty recently and I need to get my prostate checked. By a doctor. My father had prostate cancer but recovered. He reminds me often to get checked. He hid it from us. Didn’t tell us until it became an issue. Not even sure how long he had it until he told us. Oh well he’s better now. At least no cancer. But man he’s old. The first time I really saw my father age was when I saw him after not seeing my parents for over six months during the Cov*d Era Lockdowns. I hate whoever was behind the lockdowns. My parents looked way older then they should have when I finally saw them. When it was okay to visit people. Whoever was behind the lockdowns should be publicly castrated. If they try lockdowns again I’ll become a gun toting far right wing Christian militant with seven kids who lives off grid who uses a ham radio to spew my views into the radio waves so other gun toting far right wing Christian militants with seven kids who live off grid can nod there heads in agreement. I’d like to see them try that shit again. I have a bit of a cough I think I’m getting sick. 

  

  2026.01.06

• Small Talk

  Small talk sucks. And small talk is beautiful. I was leaving for work today and the elevator stopped at the seventh floor. A man got on. I see him sometimes during the week if we both leave at the same time. We usually chat about how shitty the weather is here up north, chuckle,, and bid each other a good day. Today I learned a little bit about the Man. We’re chatting about how especially shitty the weather was gonna be today rain and snow and higher temperatures. He said it was a bummer because he just bought skis and wanted to use them and he also mentioned he hadn’t skied in a very long time, since he was in the army when he was in Norway. I said that was so cool. He said when he was out practising recently there were kids flying past him so he needs some more practice. In the army in Norway damn that’s cool. It’s amazing the things you can learn about other people just from some small chitchat. Other times when the elevator stops and people get on, I stare at the floor shut the fuck up and pray that they don’t talk to me. But this time I’m glad I listened.

  

  2026.01.06

• What’s Coming

  Big changes are coming in the next two to three weeks. That’s what my boss said today. “No matter what anyone says, your job is not affected.” Okay cool. Then I wonder who’s job will be affected then? Interesting. Does this big company-change result in me making more money? Probably not. Will the company make more money? Probably. As long as the tickets keep coming in, I’ll be here. As long as people get locked out of their Windows account, I’ll be here. As long as people don’t know how to fiddle with monitor cables to get their displays working, I’ll be here. Unless a certain President starts world war three. My boss was also opining about how the snagging of a certain Venezuelan leader will kick off a shit storm the likes of which the world has not seen in the modern age. Maybe. People writing about a “maniacal leader” with their own “personal marauding gang” will take what they want with no one to stand in their way. Damn that’s cool. I wish I could write like that.

  As long as I stay employed and can feed myself my wife and my dogs I’ll be good. 

  

  2026.01.05