One of the things my father and I bonded over was wrestling. He introduced it to me when I was thirteen years old. He used to coach it way back in the day. So watching the NCAA Wrestling Championships this weekend with him has been nice.

I often think about why did I join a jiu jitsu gym at 36 years old (now 40)? I’ve written about it a bunch but basically I think the main reason is to relive my high school wrestling glory days and to try to connect to what it used to give me. It was one of the few things I was good at as a teenager. Other than skipping class and smoking pot.

Winning a rookie tournament and getting gold in grade nine was a highlight of my wresling career. I remember my coach checking in on me while he coached other members of the team and sort of just let me do my thing. It was something I won and felt I really deserved it.

Being better than average at high school wrestling is part of my life story. It helped shape me. Throughout the years I’d indulge in enjoyable recollection about the ‘good ole’ days’ and wonder if there was ever a way I could get that back. Also throughout the years I would get distracted with drugs and alcohol and parties and basically going throuhg life aimlessly with no purpose or direction. And never returned to the mats. Until decades later, I finally got my act together, got sober, got married, and felt at peace enough to learn to grapple again.

What does grappling signify to me, what does it represent now that I’m at the beginning of middle age?

Bare with me here, I’m going to get deep for a minute. Culture is fractionated. Old avenues and sources of meaning are no longer present as they used to be. The shared collective values of community and institutions (that we used to trust) have collapsed.

As Paul Publisher (@ZeitvilleMedia) would say, ‘people now stitch together personal identities, beliefs, and communities from fragmented cultural remnants, like a patchwork quilt, creating individualized or micro-tribal realities amid decentralization, multiplicity, and parallel subcultures.’

Basically, we need more awe and less A.I. We need more mystery and less slop. We need more texture and less smooth monochrome frictionless living. Less optimization and more struggle.

So what the hell does this have to do with a 40 year old blue belt trying to recapture his high school mat glory?

Well to put it another way, what would I be missing if I took jiu jitsu out of my life now?

I’d be missing that texture and awe and mystery I get now from a martial art.

I would be missing a sense on community. A social life. Exercise. Hobby. Goals. Everything good that comes from martial arts and everything good I used to get way back in the day. But most importantly, I’d be missing a catalyst through which I can divert the demons. A funnel to direct my energy and focus. And an avenue to maybe inspire myself and others. You know, meaning and purpose.

Is the meaning coming from the activity itself, or what it demands from me?

Does the meaning come from the tactile physical touch and throwing and gripping and movement of my body OR does it come from the mindests motivation schedule disipline and study that the martial art demands?

I suppose it’s all of that. The meaning for me shows up in the hard rounds and breakthroughs and losses and the little positional wins I have on the mat. It gives me immediate feedback of how I am doing. If the work I put in on and off the mats is working or not. I am not left to wonder. It’s a wonderful thing to overcome the physical and mental demands of grappling. Especially now that I’m 40 and that most 40 year old men are not doing this. They should be, in one form or another not just in martial arts.

So when people say ‘it’s just jiu jitsu, it’s not that deep’ I know what they mean. I know what they are trying to say. Heck I even say that sometimes. But maybe the don’t really think about it this way, think about it in terms of meaning-generation or meaning-mining. Meaningmaxxing. Bro, are you even meaningmaxxing?

But for folks like me that had their life change for the better because I joined a martial art at a later age, it IS that deep. It means something. And I bet it means something to you as well. It matters.

So whatever the reason is that you joined a grappling gym, I know it’s a net positive in your life. And I hope it continues to be for many more years to come.

Keep rolling keep struggling keep finding texture and friction and community and purpose. It’s not just jij jitsu. It’s meaningmaxxing. And it’s worth every sore elbow hip knee and mat burn. See you on the mats.