There and Back

Breaking and Entering

January 8th, 2026

My boss walked into my office eating from a small bag of potato chips. He whispers that he wants me to sit in on a termination of an employee (firing) so I can see how it’s done. I’m nervous. He showed me how to remote into a computer with the command prompt open and then shut down the computer using “shutdown /s /t 0 /f” that is great power to have as a sysadmin. They do this so the person being fired doesn’t go on a rampage and damage the system or delete company assets or try to break in to the building at ten o’clock at night and smash windows and break a photocopier machine that costs tens of thousands of dollars while also carrying an eight inch blade. Apparently that actually happened once here. That person was promptly arrested and spent a few years in jail, also due to some prior arrests. This will be an exciting week.
Off Grid

January 6th, 2026

I have to get a dude to put his finger in my butt. And possibly a camera. Hold on hold on hold on. No not like that. I turned forty recently and I need to get my prostate checked. By a doctor. My father had prostate cancer but recovered. He reminds me often to get checked. He hid it from us. Didn’t tell us until it became an issue. Not even sure how long he had it until he told us. Oh well he’s better now. At least no cancer. But man he’s old. The first time I really saw my father age was when I saw him after not seeing my parents for over six months during the Cov*d Era Lockdowns. I hate whoever was behind the lockdowns. My parents looked way older then they should have when I finally saw them. When it was okay to visit people. Whoever was behind the lockdowns should be publicly castrated. If they try lockdowns again I’ll become a gun toting far right wing Christian militant with seven kids who lives off grid who uses a ham radio to spew my views into the radio waves so other gun toting far right wing Christian militants with seven kids who live off grid can nod there heads in agreement. I’d like to see them try that shit again. I have a bit of a cough I think I’m getting sick.
Small Talk

January 6th, 2026

Small talk sucks. And small talk is beautiful. I was leaving for work today and the elevator stopped at the seventh floor. A man got on. I see him sometimes during the week if we both leave at the same time. We usually chat about how shitty the weather is here up north, chuckle,, and bid each other a good day. Today I learned a little bit about the Man. We’re chatting about how especially shitty the weather was gonna be today rain and snow and higher temperatures. He said it was a bummer because he just bought skis and wanted to use them and he also mentioned he hadn’t skied in a very long time, since he was in the army when he was in Norway. I said that was so cool. He said when he was out practising recently there were kids flying past him so he needs some more practice. In the army in Norway damn that’s cool. It’s amazing the things you can learn about other people just from some small chitchat. Other times when the elevator stops and people get on, I stare at the floor shut the fuck up and pray that they don’t talk to me. But this time I’m glad I listened.
What’s Coming

January 5th, 2026

Big changes are coming in the next two to three weeks. That’s what my boss said today. “No matter what anyone says, your job is not affected.” Okay cool. Then I wonder who’s job will be affected then? Interesting. Does this big company-change result in me making more money? Probably not. Will the company make more money? Probably. As long as the tickets keep coming in, I’ll be here. As long as people get locked out of their Windows account, I’ll be here. As long as people don’t know how to fiddle with monitor cables to get their displays working, I’ll be here. Unless a certain President starts world war three. My boss was also opining about how the snagging of a certain Venezuelan leader will kick off a shit storm the likes of which the world has not seen in the modern age. Maybe. People writing about a “maniacal leader” with their own “personal marauding gang” will take what they want with no one to stand in their way. Damn that’s cool. I wish I could write like that.

As long as I stay employed and can feed myself my wife and my dogs I’ll be good.
Fertility

January 5th, 2026

I’m getting my semen checked this month. Don’t worry it’s at a fertility clinic. Hopefully all the booze weed mdma coke and etc. from my degenerate party fun days didn’t have too much of a negative impact on my swimmers. Haven’t touched the hard stuff in a very long time and haven’t had booze or weed in about six years. Maybe that’s enough time for my body to make new healthy sperm batches? Yeah I’m not sure how that works. All I know is I want to have a child with my wife so I can start living life on hard mode. How it’s supposed to be. Bring it on I say.
Open Mat Reflections – January 3, 2026

January 3rd, 2026

While warming up we had Real American by Rick Derringer blaring on the speakers. I’m not an American but it made me feel patriotic.

5 rounds of being the nail. Sometimes I’m the hammer. Not often. Rolled with M again I got to stop doing that. He rolls too hard. I could get badly hurt. I could go back and review all my open mat notes and probably every few sessions I’m telling myself not to role with him. I need to take my own advice. That being said it is good practice for defence. It’s a constant struggle between my ego saying ‘stay and fight!’ and my conscience saying ‘it’s not worth it!’ The struggle is real.

Other than that, I had a lot of fun. Got gassed out quick. A lot of people were breathing heavy I think because of the holiday gluttony.

Last night I was humming and hawing, and telling myself I probably wouldn’t go to open mat because my muscles were sore from going to the fitness gym the day before because I hadn’t gone to the fitness gym in such a long time. I’m glad I went. I’m always glad when I go to the fitness gym and the jiu jitsu gym.

And to all my fellow blue belts slogging away towards purple belt. I salute you. We got this.
First Time Home Owner

January 3rd, 2026

It was slow today at work. Less than a dozen people here l’d say. And look at me I’m writing in the notepad app just before I leave early. Earlier today I went on reddit to look for a TFSA subreddit that my boss had mentioned. It motivated me to look for houses to buy. Looked at homes from $500,000 to $1.5 million. Dreaming. I learned something though like how my credit score is “very good” and if I had money for a down payment I would definitely be able to qualify for a mortgage. One problem. Don’t have that kind of money. So I looked into getting a loan for a down payment. Long story short my debt-to-income ratio would be too high to quality for a loan. So this is what being forty is like for me. That’s okay. I don’t feel bad. I actually feel pretty good. My wife is one year away from becoming a certified nurse and then she can be the bread winner and be my sugar mamma. And I’ve been writing more trying to be more vulnerable with the writing and not caring if people read it it’s more of an outlet for me damn I hope I stick with it.

My sister-in-law sent me some fun videos of my nephew sledding down a hill. It was glorious. I have to keep my mind local. Keep my mind on things that matter to me and not on things like Minnesota Child Care fraud.
Six Years Sober

January 1st, 2026

Waking up beside a stranger I had met the night before. Still feeling buzzed from the MDMA I had the night before. Recalling that my d*ck didn’t work the night before. Ah the memories. Today, new years day 2026 marks six years of being booze free for me. And five years of no pot. Pot and booze were my buddies for decades. Back in the day I prided myself on being as degenerate as I could. I used to write for other degenerates about my escapades in dating and debauchery on a now defunct blog that I hope the Wayback Machine didn’t scrape. I hope that blog is dead and gone disintegrated like how Voldemort vanishes when Harry uses the elder wand to rebound the killing curse or how Thanos disappears with a snap of the finger. Good riddance. I’m forty now. I don’t need that sh*t. I just want to stay home with my wife and dogs watching Harry Potter films and baking goodies. And hopefully one day soon we can add a baby to this rag tag group of furry family members.

My wife just handed me two fried eggs how I like them two pieces of sourdough bread and some salmon. God I love being married. Cheers to six more sober years.
KPop Marriage Hunters

December 31st, 2025

There I was wandering the isle at the grocery store on new years eve 2025. It’s the busiest I’ve ever seen it. But I’m surprised by the agility and manoeuvrability of the people there, no bumping no banging into each other no frustration that I saw. Dare I say I had a stupid smile on my face. But the smile wasn’t from seeing my fellow human not lose their mind because they’re frustrated and tired of the holiday bullshit, no. I had a smile because I was humming the 2025 banger titled GOLDEN by KPop Demon Hunters that was playing over the store speakers. And it reminded me. My wife and I have bonded over her love of everything Korean/Asian (even her love for the Asian ladies but we don’t talk about that). T&T grocery store , Kpop, Manga, Manhwa, Anime, etc. I haven’t gone full Manga or Manhwa. For Christmas I bought my wife one of her favourite Manga/Manhwa (not sure which one it is) about two gay guys that are gay. She was excited, I’m not the target audience. But Kpop. I gotta be honest many of the songs she has shown me over the last eight years have been a blast. I obviously don’t know what the lyrics are or what they are saying unless they throw in the odd English word. But man Kpop producers churn out these bands and artists so often they have this down to a science. Here is a list of my current 2026 Spotify playlist: Way Back Home by SHAUN, 무제 (Untitled, 2014) by G-DRAGON, 200% by AKMU, Psycho by Red Velvet, BBIBBI by IU, COME BACK HOME by 2NE1, and Eyes, Nose, Lips by TAEYANG.

This past year we saw a band called CN blue. It was actually really good. I might have been one of seven white guys there. That’s cool with me.
Shutting Down the File Server

December 31st, 2025

I thought I was going to be fired. No job. Embarrassed. Just left one job and can’t keep another. I turned forty recently. Not a good look. Luckily my boss was cool about it. Told me to just breath, clam down. It happens. Shutting down the company file server and putting over two hundred people out of work temporarily just happens. Good to know. I feel like such a newb at my new job. A helpdesk role where I unlock accounts, disable/re-enable accounts, reset passwords, uninstall/reinstall software, onboard new staff, fill in termination forms, replace mouses and keyboards, jiggle monitor cables until they work again, convert pdfs from an email attachment and then resend them to the appropriate receiver. You know, helping. It’s not better or worse than my older job, just different. This new job has benefits, never had those before. The old job was a cooking gig. Years and years of burns, cuts, booze, and drugs. It was fun until it wasn’t. This new one is sitting in front of a computer and waiting until a ticket comes in that is assigned to me. Sometimes I get to go to the production floor with all the hourly workers, you know, blue collar jobs like welder, electrician, painters, other roles I have no idea about. When I go to the production floor I feel like one of them. Dusty irritated sweaty hungry. The working man. Insert Tim Allen grunt. Still trying to figure out my boss. He’s sort of an asshole but a nice person. An odd mix of helping and making fun of people. So far I don’t mind it. He’s shared provocative stories from his bachelor days and he sounds like he had tons of fun. He would have made a good PUA blogger.

Shutting down the file server at work was a good lesson in what it is like to work in a live production environment where people rely on services and resources to be available ninety nine percent of the time. Hope I don’t do it again.