There and Back

A journey. A return. Probably tired.

Tag: Life

  • Shutting Down the File Server

    I thought I was going to be fired. No job. Embarrassed. Just left one job and can’t keep another. I turned forty recently. Not a good look. Luckily my boss was cool about it. Told me to just breath, clam down. It happens. Shutting down the company file server and putting over two hundred people out of work temporarily just happens. Good to know. I feel like such a newb at my new job. A helpdesk role where I unlock accounts, disable/re-enable accounts, reset passwords, uninstall/reinstall software, onboard new staff, fill in termination forms, replace mouses and keyboards, jiggle monitor cables until they work again, convert pdfs from an email attachment and then resend them to the appropriate receiver. You know, helping. It’s not better or worse than my older job, just different. This new job has benefits, never had those before. The old job was a cooking gig. Years and years of burns, cuts, booze, and drugs. It was fun until it wasn’t. This new one is sitting in front of a computer and waiting until a ticket comes in that is assigned to me. Sometimes I get to go to the production floor with all the hourly workers, you know, blue collar jobs like welder, electrician, painters, other roles I have no idea about. When I go to the production floor I feel like one of them. Dusty irritated sweaty hungry. The working man. Insert Tim Allen grunt. Still trying to figure out my boss. He’s sort of an asshole but a nice person. An odd mix of helping and making fun of people. So far I don’t mind it. He’s shared provocative stories from his bachelor days and he sounds like he had tons of fun. He would have made a good PUA blogger.


    Shutting down the file server at work was a good lesson in what it is like to work in a live production environment where people rely on services and resources to be available ninety nine percent of the time. Hope I don’t do it again.

  • Struggle, Pain, and Jiu Jitsu OR Why You Might Be Missing Something in Your Life

    There’s something fun about fighting everyday. It makes me feel alive. Everyone should learn how to fight. Preferably in a controlled, safe, and friendly environment (although not everyone can). To learn a martial art. If you have a friend who does jiu jitsu, they probably wouldn’t shut up about it when they first started. Telling you “You have got to try this!”

    There is a meme that refers to white belts getting really excited the first few weeks and months. Spazzy and high energy to the point of injury. Yes that happens and yes I’ve done it. Maybe there was something missing in our lives that the weekly grind of someone trying to choke us and break our limbs is giving us. Let’s dig a little deeper on that, have some fun with that idea of us missing something in our lives that struggling in BJJ (or any martial art) can give us.

    Fighting and Flying

    When you fight (called ‘sparring’ in jiu jitsu) your body and mind go into Fight or Flight mode. Your body and brain thinks you’re going to die. In a street fight that may actually happen. But in a controlled, safe environment like a bjj gym, your body and mind can’t tell the difference in the moment. They think you’re going to be killed by an attacker. Your body and mind are flooded with chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol. Your pupils dilate. You sweat. Your breathing quickens. Your heart races. Everything about you is telling you to “Get out of there!”

    When you start jiu jitsu, one of the first aspects about defence is controlling your breath. If you can slow your breathing down and control your breath when someone has full mount on you or has taken your back and is about to tighten a rear naked choke, your mind can plan your escape. If you’re a higher belt, this reaction becomes immediate (I’m guessing as I’m only a white belt at the moment). Second nature. They’ve been put in this situation so many times their body and mind are used to it. They know how to take care of themselves. Their Fight or Flight mode is tempered, or at the very least, managed to the point that it doesn’t negatively effect their BJJ techniques.

    Something is Missing

    Fighting and sparring every week is a struggle. Add in the fact that you have three different jobs, dogs to take care of, a relationships to maintain, a car that needs repairing, bills coming due, a family member is sick, etc. Why on earth would you also put your body and mind through jiu jitsu? Because we need struggle in order to know what is important to us. We need the right kind of pain that’s worth enduring. Struggle and pain makes us who we are. Don’t wish to not ever feel pain. Wish to have the right kind of pain.

    Brazilian Jiu Jitsu inflicts a specific kind of pain. There is the physical toll your body takes from sparring every week. There is the mental weight our mind endures by constantly getting submitted or feeling like you’re not getting any better at the martial art. And there is the spiritual beating we undergo as we wonder why we’re even here in the first place, if we are worth it, and if we made the right decision to put our mind and body through this weekly conflict.

    But this type of struggle is exactly what we need. Struggling in BJJ puts life’s other struggles into perspective. If you can endure someone trying to choke you everyday, you can endure those silly problems that come up at work or at home. Maybe what you’re missing is the physical, metal, and spiritual struggle that BJJ can provide.

    Struggling in BJJ shows us the right kind of pain we need to endure. Pain is life. Figure out what is worth struggling for. Try jiu jitsu.

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