How to find meaning in psychological manipulation.

Are you looking to be controlled?

Are you looking for some emotional dependency?

Are you looking to have your resources, labor, and loyalty extracted every month (and possibly the occasional extreme compliance)?

Well heck do I have a hobby for you!

Let me guess, you are seeking meaning, purpose and belonging. Or perhaps you’re going through a transition of sorts. Something is missing. I’ll also assume you are ready to devote all your time and money to further the agenda of your local grappling professor (often under the guise of spiritual advancement and the gyms needs).

Perhaps you use to wrestle in high school and you miss the ‘good old days.’ Perhaps you are sick and tired of being bullied. Perhaps you are a bit too trusting and have low self esteem.

Perfect!

Follow along and we’ll get you set up and ready to roll in no time.

How to Join the Cult of Jiu Jitsu

Within your neighbourhood’s strip malls you’ll often find pot shops, liquor stores, convenience stores, a Wendy’s, a karate gym (stay far away!), and tucked into the back corner you’ll find your local jiu jitsu hub.

Before walking in and signing up for a trial class, what your going to want to make sure of is that on the front window there is a huge bad ass cartoon logo of a MMA fighter with a mean looking face or better yet some type of animal (preferably an alpha) wearing a tattered and ripped Gi. Bonus points if the logo elicits an audible “hell yeah” from you upon seeing it.

Picking the Right Leader

Before signing the waiver for your trial class, that basically says you can’t sue them if a blue belt drops you on your neck and paralyzes you, you’re going to want to pick the gym that is right for you. Picking the right gym (and by extension a cult leader, also known as a “Professor”) is a skill. You’re going to want to make sure that they exhibit the right pathological traits. For example, do you notice them yelling at the children during a routine drill? That might be a good fit for you. The narcissism should be beaming off them. Their grandiose self-importance and fantasies of unlimited power are on full display and overt. It’s obvious they believe they are special and better than everyone else.

But I bet you’re looking for a head instructor that is a bit more, shall I say, nuanced with their manipulation. Their charisma and persuasiveness sucks you in like a purple belt catching you in z-guard because their entire game is built around it. The charm and elegance makes you feel seen.

Picking the Right Tribe

Once you decide on outward appearances of the gym and the type of coach you want, next you need to figure out the type of environment you’re looking for. Do you want it to be self-defence focused or competition focused or more of a drama filled orgy of degenerates who would like nothing more than to destroy the life of everyone around them?

This part is important because this is where you’ll meet your tribe and if you’re lucky, life long friends!

The best gyms require you to sign in on the iPad at the beginning of every training session, only wear their branded Gi’s, and you must bow before you walk on the mat, while you’re on the mat, and when you get off the mat. Another sign of a good BJJ cult is how newcomers are treated. The best case scenario would be that the gym will have their enforcer (usually a heavy weight brown belt who has a drinking problem and anger issues) roll with you on your first day. This shows you the power of jiu jitsu and will make you want to keep coming back for more.

Ready to Roll

By now you should have all the info you need to sign up for a full year membership. It’s an important decision to choose which gym you’ll start embarking on your jiu jitsu journey with, because you won’t be able to leave. Not without some financial penalties and public shaming. But if you’ve picked the right gym, they’ll be good at both. OSS!