A short video on why you should stop feeling sorry for yourself and go choke someone instead.
I got choked hard by my partner right in front of the instructor, apparently the instructor was telling me “don’t give him the choke, you’re giving him the choke!” I couldn’t hear. My ears were plugged, face was smushed, and I could barely breathe. I panicked. I should have tapped sooner, but my ego almost made me go unconscious. I eventually tapped. Then my partner said, “Why did you give me that choke, didn’t you hear the instructor?” Nope I did not. Apparently I’m not supposed to put my arms across my face when in the bottom, that’s choke-city.
At the end of the class, when we line up and bow, I couldn’t look at the instructor. And when we all walked in a line and gave each other fist-bumps I didn’t say anything to anyone. After that, my pattern wanted to show me what I did wrong. I reluctantly agreed. I was being polite but I just wanted to leave the gym as soon as possible. I was quite embarrassed and in a lot of pain from an injury I got the week before. After class, I was sitting in my car whining and wincing. Never thought I would get like that to be honest.
Since starting bjj I was in great spirits and didn’t let anything bother me if I was losing in a roll or didn’t understand a technique. But the night I got choked right in front of the instructor it hurt me, and my ego. Being a white belt, I’m very excited to learn this martial art, am full of piss-and-vinegar, as they say. I have to slow down and check my ego more often.
Emotion will get the best of me in this sport if I allow them too, I read that in a jiu jitsu book I recently purchased, and boy is that ever true. I’m taking this week off (Nov29) to rest my injury and get my mind right. Then get back to it, just keep showing up is my cure.
When you get discouraged, don’t give up. Keep showing up and check your negative emotions as soon as you can. Breath and remember the long-game. You’ll be here awhile so don’t rush yourself. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you on the mats.
If we accomplish things that are hard, we should give ourselves credit. And share it with others. Since quitting booze (for two years) and pot (four months), I often think about the positive effects its had on my life. Here are 30 of those thoughts…
It’s been over four months since I quit pot, after consuming it for almost two decades. I feel so much better.
Parts of my body that improved after quitting booze and pot: skin, scalp, hair, brain, finger nails, nasal passage, throat, stomach, and gut. I’m probably missing some. But basically I became a new person. Give it a try
I’m glad I don’t smoke pot or drink booze anymore. I would never have joined a jiu jitsu class. And if I did, there’s no way I would have lasted two months at it. Good decisions all around, give it a try.
When I drank booze and smoked pot everyday, I was always in a hurry. Hurried mind and hurried feet. Confusion and commotion. But not doing anything important. After quitting both bad habits, my mind and body are at a good pace. More deliberate and intentional.
One of the many benefits of quitting pot was that my ability to dream while asleep came back, with a vengeance. These past five months have been wild.
Almost all of my anxiety went away when I quit smoking pot. Don’t smoke pot.
Tracking my money just tells me I eat too much lol. Although for me it’s better then spending it on booze and pot.
Instead of smoking pot, try not smoking pot.
Those who say they smoke weed to “chill out” or say “It’s for my anxiety” are kidding themselves. Total BS. It increases anxiety ten-fold. Most people shouldn’t smoke pot.
Was spending many hundreds of dollars a month on booze and pot. What a waste. Nowadays, I actually have money saved in the bank for things that are good for me: gym, bjj, a night out with my future wife. Not feeding my substance abuse is a positive investment in my future. Try it
I thought I was always right. I thought everyone else was wrong. I never payed attention. I wasn’t present. After quitting pot, I’m more aware. More open. More accepting. Gain more by smoking less.
After quitting booze and pot, I’m barely ever anxious, don’t get stressed as much, and little things don’t bother me like they used to. Boozing hard doesn’t help our insecurities. Pot doesn’t help with our anxiety. Try quitting both for a month and see what happens.
Quit booze and pot. Join a BJJ gym. Buy some crypto. Try a side hustle. Find someone and get married. What did I miss?
All my immediate family members said how much I’ve changed after quitting booze and pot. No more paranoia, no more random anger spurts, and no more major stomach-condition spasms – to name a few. I’m lucky to have them in my life. Hope you have a similar support network as well.
Quitting booze and pot was the best thing I ever did for my health. All areas improved: sleep, energy, complexion, you name it. What I’m basically saying is that I’m beautiful and you can be too.
Instead of taking the prescribed anti-depressant medication, I flushed them down the toilet. Quit pot and got a BJJ membership instead. 10/10 would recommend.
My girlfriend told me that, since quitting pot, my mood has changed drastically for the better. When I was stoned all the time, I would either be really happy or really not happy. Now it has evened out and relatively “normal” (my words). Should have done this a decade ago.
After quitting booze, my libido took a hit. Got it back. After quitting pot, my libido took another hit. At 36yo, making drastic changes to my diet and health have had a bigger impact than I’d like to admit. Luckily, I bought some Korean Red Ginseng so fingers crossed 🤞
1. Quit smoking pot
2. Work on Active Listening Skills
3. Get an exercise routine
4. F**k no to Citalopram!
This is a good list.
Quitting booze and weed was the best thing I did to help improve my relationship with my gf and immediate family. I highly recommend it.
After quoting booze and weed, my soul feels calmer.
My mind is way more calmer after quitting alcohol and weed. My mind doesn’t race, it doesn’t run wild, and stays on the path. Now I can slow down and focus on the things that matter, instead of letting my addictions take control. Take back control and consider quitting.
Real friends don’t shame you for quitting alcohol or weed. Real friends congratulate you. I hope you have real friends when the time comes for you to quit your substance-abuse.
You don’t have anxiety. You just smoke too much weed.
Quitting booze is the new punk rock.
Two years sober from booze. It’s a good feeling.
Doing No-gi bjj practice with strangers on a Friday night is greater than > Doing shots of booze at a bar with strangers on a Friday night. You’ll feel sore the next day with both, but only one helps you improve.
The dread we feel and fear we fight, will all go away if you stop drinking booze alone at night.
I don’t mean to sound preachy about my quitting booze. It was such a positive lifestyle change for me, that I want to share that with others in the hopes they consider quitting too.
If I can quit booze and pot after consuming it for 15 years, you can too. If you have any questions about what my experience has been like (health, social, relationships, etc.) feel free to DM. Happy to help
Where I live, as of writing this, the fitness gyms are closed and the BJJ gyms are closed. But I can’t stop thinking about jiu jitsu. Here are 25 + more random thoughts on Brazilian jiu jitsu. (read here for the first 25)
1. I put my gi pants on an hour before jiu jitsu training. Is this normal? I wonder if other white belts do this.
2. The techniques in jiu jitsu are endless. For example, you could smell really bad to distract your opponent, or you could smell really good to distract your opponent. So many possibilities
3. You will get submitted, choked, and bruised in jiu jitsu. Learn how to take a beating and you will get better. Focus on survival. One day the tides will turn in your favour. Apply this to life in general.
4. “Jiu jitsu shows men that they are not as strong as they thought, and it shows women that they are much stronger than they thought.” -Unknown
5. As a white belt in jiu jitsu, I need to learn to Survive before I learn to Attack. Defence before Offence. Fundamentals before Complexity. Basics before Sophistication. Showing Up before Showing Off.
6. A good book for jiu jitsu white belts is called, ‘Jiu Jitsu University’ by Saulo Ribeiro and Kevin Howell. “It is not important that others are watching while you are failing. It only matters that you try.”
7. Tonight in jiu jitsu, I learned that you can use your opponents gi to isolate a limb to try and pass their guard. For example, trapping their arm and shoulder while moving to half guard or full mount. This is fascinating to me, my white belt brain is blown.
8. Going to the long Saturday jiu jitsu class today. One hour technique practice followed by one hour rolling (five, five minute rolls with breaks in between). Open to all belt levels. My gf said, “please don’t get injured for Cuba next week. What’s that saying, tap a lot tap often”
9. Just got out of a jiu Jitsu class. It was 10 five minute rolling sessions. I rolled with men, women, white belts, blue belts, purple and brown belts. I got submitted by all of them, but I survived longer than I expected to. I learned a lot. Saturday’s are my new favourite class.
10. I have almost no idea how to attack or submit my opponent in jiu jitsu. I only attempt simple collar chokes. I’m focusing on learning defence first, survival. I get submitted a lot, but I last longer before I do. That’s progress.
11. I rarely watch jiu jitsu Youtube videos. I feel it’s not practical for a white belt like myself. I need experience in the fundamentals, not to try a cool looking choke I saw online.
12. Instead of watching endless videos on technique, I’m reading one of the most popular books on the martial art, Jiu Jitsu University. Practical info I can actually apply, slower pace so I can digest it, and first focuses on defence and survival. Great for white belts like me.
13. Reminder: you don’t HAVE to go to jiu jitsu class if you don’t want to. Also, you should probably go to jiu jitsu class.
14. If you don’t go to jiu jitsu class, at least go to the gym.
15. Tonight I came to the gym instead of jiu jitsu class. Better to do something rather than nothing. And believe me, I didn’t want to do either. Now I’ll definitely sleep well tonight.
16. Working out at the gym will make me better in jiu jitsu class. And vise versa.
17. I’m glad I don’t smoke pot or drink booze anymore. I would never have joined a jiu jitsu class. And if I did, there’s no way I would have lasted two months at it. Good decisions all around, give it a try.
18. There is a jiu jitsu tournament hosted in my city late next year. That’s a new fun goal for me. Might even go to one in T.O. before that and see how I do. 2022 is the year of Competition and Testing myself.
19. A goal of mine for 2022, is to enter at least one jiu jitsu tournament. No matter how well I do, the experience alone will be worth it.
20. Some fun afternoon reading on jiu jitsu. Survival is my goal, Defence is my mindset.
22. Thinking of opening my own jiu jitsu school on a beach. We’d roll in sand and the belts would be ranked by sea shells.
23. If they close the jiu jitsu gyms, I’ll riot.
24. Update: Looks like I’ll be rioting.
25. Things I’ve done since the pandemic started… -Moved in with gf -Got engaged -Picked up one new client -Joined Brazilian Jiu Jitsu -Visited Cuba Don’t stop living.
BONUS 5!
26. Hopefully the jiu jitsu gym opens again soon. So I can go back to tweeting about jiu jitsu.
27. Why did I join a jiu jitsu gym and not a running club or pick-up basketball league? It’s not just because I have flat feet and too short. There’s another, deeper reason. I must ponder on this…
28. Why did I join a jiu jitsu gym? I’ve been thinking about this more often lately. I don’t like being choked or having my limbs broken. It’s not just the learning to defend myself. It’s all the other things I learn about myself, that I either didn’t know or forget. Even now at 36.
29. A great way to step out of your comfort zone is to step onto a jiu jitsu mat.
30. I said No to antidepressants and Yes to jiu jitsu. This is the way.
I joined a jiu jitsu gym at the tender age of 36. Here are some random thoughts about my experience so far…
1. Actually got through this week of jiu jitsu without injury. This calls for a celebration.
2. My rolling partner in jiu jitsu last night smelled phenomenal. I think they used it as a way to lower my defences. I’ll have to be on-guard tonight, not falling for that again.
3. When I come home from jiu jitsu, my fiancé says I look like I’ve been tortured. She’s not wrong.
4. We are already living in the Metaverse, our Star Wars have already started, robots can now replicate themselves, and the aliens are coming. Prepare yourself, learn jiu jitsu.
5. If the aliens know jiu jitsu, I’ll be prepared. Will you?
6. Was leaving my apartment building for bjj class one night a few weeks ago, a man held the door open for me. He saw my gi pants and said, “Jiu jitsu?” I said yep and he said he used to to it for 5 years and had a great time. He said “right on” and gave me a thumbs up. Definitely motivated me for class.
7. Twitter needs a BJJ topic section to be able to follow.
8. Do people try and take me down each week? Yes. Do people try and break my arms each week? Yes. Do people try and choke me out each week? Yes. Challenge yourself each week, so the months and years are easier to handle. Try jiu jitsu.
9. The best way to learn jiu jitsu is to just go to a jiu jitsu class. There are no failures. Only lessons and many bruises.
10. If you’re a white belt in bjj like me, don’t get discouraged. Because I did recently. And it’s not the end of the world, so keep at it as long as you can.
11. Quit booze. Start jiu jitsu.
12. Putting my body through stress each week on the jiu jitsu mats, relieves my stress I get off the mats. If you feel like work or relationships are choking the life out of you, get choked in a gym by someone in a gi. Someone trying to take a piece of your breath, gives you a piece of mind.
13. Most people would rather have their job choke the life out if them, then ever change or improve. We’d rather have a stranger in a gi try and choke the life out us, while adapting and improvising. Improvement on the mats is improvement off the mats. Most people don’t do jiu jitsu.
14. Jiu Jitsu makes you do more: Punctuality, Showers, Nail trimming, Laundry, and Fist bumps. Basically it makes you friendlier and cleaner.
15. Taping my fingers tonight for jiu jitsu because their cut open from Tuesdays class. I feel so bad ass.
16. “The theme of the white belt is survival, nothing more and nothing less.” —Jiu Jitsu University, Saulo Ribeiro and Kevin Howell
17. Jiu jitsu partner got me in a crucifix choke. No white belt should be trying that my goodness.
18, Jiu Jitsu makes you sleep better.
19. Jiu Jitsu makes you more flexible. Related: Jiu Jitsu makes you better at sex.
20. More and more people on here (Twitter) are trying out jiu jitsu. Much love this is great.
21. Went to jiu jitsu, came home made dinner, and did all the dishes. I feel like that retired Yakuza from The Way of the House Husband.
22. I wonder how many people I follow on here are low-key learning jiu jitsu, instead of broadcasting it on Twitter once a week like I do.
23. Looking forward to jiu jitsu next week. And the next. And the one after that. And…you get the idea.
24. Go to a free jiu jitsu class and see if it’s right for you.
25. If you’re new to jiu jitsu, hang in there and keep showing up. You will hurt on the outside and the inside. Keep at it and I’ll see you on the mats 🥋
Last September I got the urge to go back to freestyle wrestling. The no-pot and no-booze has helped with my health a fitness, I wondered if I could do it. So I reached out to an older wrestling mentor of mine via Facebook. He went 197-0 in high school. I asked if the local wrestling club allows older people (like me) to join these days. I thought his mom still helped out there. I was nervous but I reached out anyways.
I sent an email to his mom about registration for the local wrestling club. I asked if I could go to a practice to see if I have what it takes to make the commitment to the club. Turns out, she is no longer involved with the club, but forwarded my email to the two head coaches. The wheels were in motion! Until they weren’t…
Unfortunately, the local wrestling club wasn’t allowing outside individuals to join, as the training facility is part of the local University. “Damn, this pandemic” I thought to myself.
I wanted to do some type of sport I’m good at. And they’re aren’t many. I pushed forward. I gave the local Gracie Barra gym a call. The head coach mentioned on the phone something similar, that my wrestling skills would help. I suggested I do the class, the coach said it shouldn’t take long for me to transition to the Advanced class with sparring, because of my wrestling background. I name-dropped some people I used to wrestle with in high school that were purple belts in bjj at their facility. I told him I’d be there the next day to introduce myself and check out the gym.
I should mention, a few years go I tried jiu jitsu. Signed up for twelve classes and bought a gi uniform. But I only went to maybe eight classes then quit. I’m sure I had many excuses not to go. “I’m no good.” “I don’t know anyone.” “This is too hard.” “I’m too busy.”
But this time, I wanted to commit. I was a year and a half sober from booze, and a month had gone by with no pot. Quitting weed was a big deal for me, as I’d been consuming it regularly for many many years. I signed up for a year membership. I was locked in. Good, no more excuses. Until I got hurt…
Up until my rib injury, I still had it in my head that I “could take it” and that I could be as phyically demanding on my body as I was in my 20s. I turned 36 recently and this experience was eye opening. I have to take it easier at the gym and bjj. Be aware of your body and its limitations. Or find out the hard way like I did. I was excited to get into wrestling again. That didn’t pan out, so I looked into bjj. Was excited to start that. During all of this, I never once stopped to think if I could get injured. Went hard every practice for a month. That wrestler mindset of “go go go” doesn’t transfer to bjj as much as I thought.
Messaged my the head coach via Facebook about my rib injury. He said rib injuries are the first Bjj injury. Glad to know other newbies have been in my situation as well. Good news soon followed…
No fracture, just bruising! Thank goodness. I was either going to be out for months, or only weeks. I got lucky. During the time off for my ribs to heal, I found a book from a person I used to follow on Twitter. The book is called, “The White Belt Survival Guide”
So far the book has some great input on mindset, strategy, and what to expect being a white belt. You can grab a copy here (not an affiliate link)
After two weeks of thinking about jiu jitsu everyday, I finally felt like I could go back. There was some residual pain and uncomfortableness, but I popped two ibuprofen and was good to go. Kept it nice and easy and slow, what I should have been doing from the start. As a matter of fact, I was so pumped to be back, that I bought myself an early birthday present…
A great way to get out of your comfort zone is to put on a uniform, roll around on a mat, and sweat all over a stranger. Learn bjj.
BJJ teaches you more than self-defence. It teaches you to…Be punctual, Look presentable, Show respect, and Meet new people.
After a month of bjj, I’ve noticed that I don’t get discouraged or disappointed that I can’t do a move correctly, get taken down, or not being able to make someone tap. I’m focused on the long game. I want to compete one day. Just realized I should apply this to life in general.
I’m nervous when I go into bjj class. Don’t know anyone, they have more experience, and I barely know what I’m doing. But I still show up early. Fears and doubts can literally hold us back from learning how to defend ourselves. Ignore and go on the offence against your fears.
Try a free bjj class. Nothing to lose and it might be exactly what you’re looking for.
The list can go on. Learning how to protect yourself is a bonus.
Hopefully I see you out there on the mats. If you have any questions about joining a bjj gym, feel free to reach out in the comments here or DM me on Twitter. Let’s roll!
For the first few months of not drinking, it was quite tough. But Ed’s book was there, on my phone in my pocket, ready when I needed some sober words to clarify my sober thoughts.
The book deals with: -the uncertainty of quitting booze -the peer pressure to drink again -the simple step in admitting you have a problem with booze -and the internal and external positive effects quitting alcohol will have on your relationships with the people you love.
And there is much more inside the book.
Here are some of the Kindle highlights I made throughout Ed’s book:
“A great challenge you’ll face is having the courage to say you no longer want to drink.” (p.11)
“You saw the end result of continued heavy drinking and decided that you don’t want to be there. It’s natural to think it’s going to be easy to abstain from alcohol, but when things are going well you will forget how bad they can become.” (p. 11)
“Impatience, weakness, and aversion to change are the worst enemies of sobriety. The only way to conquer them and enjoy a sober life is by slowing down, staying strong, being willing to change, and taking things one day at a time.” (p. 43)
“When I first stopped drinking, I counted the days. After 30 days passed, I counted the months. After 12 months, I counted the years.” (p. 43)
I also found myself counting the days, weeks, months, and now year and a half.
I recommend this book if you are ready to quite alcohol but you’re not sure where to start or who to talk to. Ed’s book, Sober Letters To My Drunken Self – is a conversation with a friend who gives it to you straight and doesn’t shame you for quitting booze.
This book however, should not be your only tool for dealing with addiction. It can be tough, but if you can muster the courage (I know you can!) – call your local help-phone-line if you suspect you or a loved one is suffering from addiciton, alcohol abuse, or alcoholism.
“The thing that drove you to drink can also drive you to greatness.” -Ed Latimore
Twenty years ago I sneaked into the garage and stole three of my father’s home brew. High alcohol content, low flavor profile. But at the time I didn’t know what that was. I just knew it made me feel good for a few hours.
At fifteen years old, that experience shaped my life in ways I would never have predicted. I would go to parties, meet new people, and have the times of my life. But because I would pass out and sleep for long periods of time, I ignored the negative consequences that came with binge drinking at such a young age.
When I was nineteen, I lost a friend in car accident. He was on the way to see my other buddy and I. His Nissan wrapped around a tree. He was on his way into town to party with us. To drink. I could never confirm, but I think he had been drinking when he came to see us. During an open casket, I remember seeing his blueish-white pale face and touching his hard body. The situation and body didn’t seem real.
My friends and I drank hard at his wake. We were together, grieving with each other. That should have been a wake-up call. But it wasn’t.
Fast forward to December 2019. Almost an entire year of drinking a six-pack of beer each day. I called my dad before Christmas and told him I couldn’t come up north for the holidays. I was a mess. Crying and confessing that, due to my mental state, I just couldn’t be around family. I was an angry young man and a stress to be around. He convinced me to come up north.
It took a mental health dilemma for me to confide in my family, that I was struggling with alcohol abuse. I’m lucky, that I have a father, mother, and sibling to reach out to. Some may not be so lucky. But if you learn how to ask for help, that is a good first step to take towards a better version of your life.
If you are like me and struggling with quitting booze, this is what I did to help stop drinking:
Hit bottom (not all the way)
Ask for help
Stop drinking
Hit Bottom, But Not All the Way
Have you ever heard of the saying, “Hitting rock bottom”?
In this context – it means for a person to reach a point where all aspects of their life – family, occupation, hobbies, dreams, etc. – are all a mess or non-existent, as a result of substance abuse or other negative addictive behaviours.
I don’t want anyone to have to get to the point where they feel they don’t have a support network. Where they feel that the only way out, is self-inflicted harm. No one should go that far into the darkness.
But for whatever human psychological reason, we tend to not want to improve our lives until we absolutely have to. It turns out you need go through some nasty struggle to convince yourself to change. But don’t go ‘all-in’ to those feelings. They can lead to a dark and scary place.
Your range and threshold for suffering is different than mine. But we can both agree that we don’t need to consider hurting ourselves before we decide to make a change. Don’t let it get that far.
To not let it get that far, start by recognizing when your daily functions are inhibited. Are you brining your negative feelings to work? Do you notice your appetite slipping? Is your sleep off? Do you have consistent thoughts about having arguments with family? Have you stopped grooming yourself? These are all questions to ask yourself when reflecting on whether you have a substance abuse problem or not.
Ask For Help
This is hard and simple at the same time. It’s hard because we may not know what’s bothering us, so we lack the language to express ourselves. It’s simple because all it takes is opening your mouth and saying, “I need help” to someone you can trust. Generally speaking, you should have three things in place when asking for help: a question, simple words, and showing respect.
Figure out what’s bothering you, then notice if it is negatively effecting your daily routine. If it is negatively effecting your daily routine, you are now at the next step of reaching out for help. To reach out for help, use simple language such as, “I need help” “I’m hurting” “Something’s wrong” – get the words out first, then you and the person you trust can elaborate and talk.
This can help rearrange and organize your messy thoughts. Also, remember – you are hurting, you are angry, and you are emotional. Don’t let anger dictate how you reach out to other people. Most people want to help you if they have the means to do so, but will not offer or give that help if you are toxic to be around.
Stop Drinking
Take stock of your daily routines, notice the ones that have been hijacked by alcohol. Instead of going to the liquor store, don’t. Instead of going to that party, don’t. Instead of thinking that booze will somehow make every activity better, don’t.
If you are really struggling, then you’ll notice that the actual drinking is an extension of your messy mind. Clear up your mind, clear up the boozing.
It’s easy to say, “I’ll never drink again!” after a night of hard boozing. But for the five-hundredth time, it can get exhausting. Think of all the hangovers and crummy experiences you’ve had as a result of getting drunk. Not fun, right? Now use those memories by periodically checking-in to remind yourself why you’re quitting.
If you do this enough, the days, weeks, and months go by. And you think about booze less and less. After a year and a half of no booze, you will have a much better understanding about your relationship with alcohol. And whether it’s something you can ever enjoy responsibly again, or if it’s something you are no longer able to consume. That’s a choice I hope one day you’ll experience.
To recap, How I Stopped Drinking a Six-Pack of Beer Every Day and Went One and a Half Years of Sobriety from Booze
Hit bottom (not all the way)
Ask for help
Stop drinking
Let me know if this was helpful to you. And feel free to reach out to me via Twitter or my blog. Good luck out there.
-Devo
P.S. – Notice that I haven’t once mentioned the word, “alcoholic.” Why? Because in my experience, there are people who have suffered from alcohol abuse way worse that I have. We all struggle in different ways. I didn’t go to AA or seek therapy or go to any support services. Maybe I should have.
![Sober Letters To My Drunken Self by [Ed Latimore]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41KckEPsDqL.jpg)
There and Back 