What it’s Like Being Married for 2 Years

October 6th, 2022

I like being married. I don’t know what all the fuss is about. I remember when I was in my late twenties, riding my bike through a subdivision in my city. And thinking, “I don’t ever want to live in suburbia with a family, I don’t want that life.” I think I even wrote a blog post about it back then. At the time I was biking through suburbia, I was deep into the dating scene. I looked up dating advice online, took it seriously, and applied it. I know, I can hear you laughing through the screen. But the self-improvement aspect of it did improve my overall well-being.

I can’t imagine dating these days. I did the whole swiping-online dating when I was younger. I bet it’s even harder to get dates these days and meet someone you like. Is it?

I’m glad I got married when i did. Not too young, not too old. It was the right time. I remember when my wife asked me to marry her. We had just finished unpacking our travel bags at my parents place on the lake. I was putting something away and turned around and she handed me a few pieces of paper. She was going to read it herself but was overcome with emotion so I read it instead. It was a beautiful letter with a proposal at the end. I did not expect that. I looked up and she was down on one knee with a little box with a ring in it. I remember thinking to myself, ‘Do I want to get married?‘ Nothing came to mind that told me not to, and I was overcome with excitement. “Yes, yes!”

Her hand was shaking when we put on the rings. We hugged and kissed. We were engaged. When I was younger and dating around, I remember telling myself ‘I don’t think I’ll ever get married’ Turns out I was wrong. I’m okay with that.

We got married June 2022. It was a fun reception and wedding. We did it differently. We went to City Hall and got married legally with a judge, then had a reception at ther parents house backyard with her giant Colombian family. There wasn’t even all of them there. There was dancing and food, just what I like. At the end of the month, my immediate family – brother, his wife, my mom and dad – visited and we had a wedding ceremony at my wife’s parents back yard. My Older brother and my wife’s sister were the MCs. It went well.

Being married is good. We enjoy spending time together. And we enjoy doing our own thing without one another. For example, if I’m on the couch writing on my computer, and her on the other couch watching a show, it’s all good. Her family likes me and my family likes her. We’re both lucky.

When I quit drinking and then quit pot, it was the best decision I’ve ever made for myself. Because not only did my quality of life improve but so did my relationships. I’m still working on being a better son, brother, and husband. But not being a degenerate anymore was the right move.

This is getting longer than I thought. I’ll stop here. Let me finish this off with:
Get married if you want to.
It was a good thing for me.
Maybe it’s not for everyone.
But before you do you should probably go on a self-improvement binge. It’ll help.

Have You Ever Switched BJJ Gyms?

October 5th, 2022

Here are some thoughts from other people (on Twitter) about staying or leaving their jiu jitsu gym:

“I switched due to moving (changing states) – but did a fair amount of research & drop-ins before picking my “new home.” Don’t listen to any #Creonte type BS – Bottom Line, it’s a business & you’re the customer. Pick a place that suits you, your training needs/goals, etm.” -Matt

“I switched gyms and never looked back. Didn’t realize just how toxic my old gym was until I got out and got into a much healthier environment.” -Becky

“I’m on my third. No reason, just wanted to get different perspectives and training partners. Still friendly with my former academies and teammates.” -Nicolas

“Coming back to the mat after 20 years away, I switched gyms. I’ve had 35 lessons so far. All good. The previous gym is where I received my blue belt which in the grand scheme of things is low level. My new gym – Professor says “train where every you want”. I go to open mats.” -Peter

“I’ve moved academies twice. 1st time was from an affiliate to the HQ so was not too hard. Went as a blue and was promoted to purple there. Covid/post covid moved to my current gym been 2 years and promoted to brown. Took a bit to get use to though” -Ray

“In December I moved from the DFW area to northern Indiana. I had been training for 7.5 years there was a blue belt. I have been here 9 months now and have been accepted and promoted to purple. My approach was to focus on being a good student and teammate. And let everything else play out on it’s own. I’m happy with where we landed. I do miss my old gym and teammates (planning a trip to visit soon). Happy to be a further resource if any questions arise.” -Brad

“Yup. Your gym is a business that provides a service. If another gym’s service makes more sense to you, then go there. I switched due to location. It was between a 40 min drive and a 20 min drive. My new one also has more class times, so I can train more often.” -Tommy

Here is a question I got from Twitter:

“What has your experience been like switching gyms? I love where I am but there’s another nice place that I’ve visited that’s much closer to where I live.”

I’m still at the Gracie Barra I signed up with. I like the people and the instructors there. I also like how many people there compete, which is where I’d like to focus my BJJ game towards as opposed to just the self-defence aspect of jiu jitsu.

There are five (I think) other BJJ gym in my city. A blue belt recently told me he’s been to all of them and think this Gracie Barra is the best in terms of the calibre of the jiu jitsu being taught. Sounds good to me!

Pros of my current gym:
– lots of people compete, opportunity to focus more on competition BJJ
– it’s close to my house
– my wife and her brother signed up there as well
– the head instructor is chill and we don’t have to bow before we go on and get off the mats
– instructors aren’t strict with the adult class while still following the curriculum correctly and we also sometimes learn new techniques that aren’t part of the curriculum
– instructors aren’t assholes and enjoy having fun sometimes, friendly
– If you don’t have a Gracie Barra Gi you can still join and train

Cons of my current gym:
– the change room is too small
– there are so many members that I find it hard to get long, meaningful one-on-one instruction (although I haven’t asked about private lessons)
– classes are only one hour, I would love two hour classes
– there’s only one, one hour open mat a week, I wish there was one every day
– there is only two No Gi classes a week
– it’s expensive, $135 a month

The pros outweigh the cons. Not enough reasons to leave my current gym. And thank goodness it’s not a McDojo (“McDojo is a pejorative term (in the same vein as “McMansion” and “McChurch”) referring to martial arts academies (generally located in the Western world) which, rather than being honestly committed to teaching students, are instead concerned primarily with amassing profits.“

Have you ever switched BJJ gyms?

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Struggle, Pain, and Jiu Jitsu OR Why You Might Be Missing Something in Your Life

September 22nd, 2022

There’s something fun about fighting everyday. It makes me feel alive. Everyone should learn how to fight. Preferably in a controlled, safe, and friendly environment (although not everyone can). To learn a martial art. If you have a friend who does jiu jitsu, they probably wouldn’t shut up about it when they first started. Telling you “You have got to try this!”

There is a meme that refers to white belts getting really excited the first few weeks and months. Spazzy and high energy to the point of injury. Yes that happens and yes I’ve done it. Maybe there was something missing in our lives that the weekly grind of someone trying to choke us and break our limbs is giving us. Let’s dig a little deeper on that, have some fun with that idea of us missing something in our lives that struggling in BJJ (or any martial art) can give us.

Fighting and Flying

When you fight (called ‘sparring’ in jiu jitsu) your body and mind go into Fight or Flight mode. Your body and brain thinks you’re going to die. In a street fight that may actually happen. But in a controlled, safe environment like a bjj gym, your body and mind can’t tell the difference in the moment. They think you’re going to be killed by an attacker. Your body and mind are flooded with chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol. Your pupils dilate. You sweat. Your breathing quickens. Your heart races. Everything about you is telling you to “Get out of there!”

When you start jiu jitsu, one of the first aspects about defence is controlling your breath. If you can slow your breathing down and control your breath when someone has full mount on you or has taken your back and is about to tighten a rear naked choke, your mind can plan your escape. If you’re a higher belt, this reaction becomes immediate (I’m guessing as I’m only a white belt at the moment). Second nature. They’ve been put in this situation so many times their body and mind are used to it. They know how to take care of themselves. Their Fight or Flight mode is tempered, or at the very least, managed to the point that it doesn’t negatively effect their BJJ techniques.

Something is Missing

Fighting and sparring every week is a struggle. Add in the fact that you have three different jobs, dogs to take care of, a relationships to maintain, a car that needs repairing, bills coming due, a family member is sick, etc. Why on earth would you also put your body and mind through jiu jitsu? Because we need struggle in order to know what is important to us. We need the right kind of pain that’s worth enduring. Struggle and pain makes us who we are. Don’t wish to not ever feel pain. Wish to have the right kind of pain.

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu inflicts a specific kind of pain. There is the physical toll your body takes from sparring every week. There is the mental weight our mind endures by constantly getting submitted or feeling like you’re not getting any better at the martial art. And there is the spiritual beating we undergo as we wonder why we’re even here in the first place, if we are worth it, and if we made the right decision to put our mind and body through this weekly conflict.

But this type of struggle is exactly what we need. Struggling in BJJ puts life’s other struggles into perspective. If you can endure someone trying to choke you everyday, you can endure those silly problems that come up at work or at home. Maybe what you’re missing is the physical, metal, and spiritual struggle that BJJ can provide.

Struggling in BJJ shows us the right kind of pain we need to endure. Pain is life. Figure out what is worth struggling for. Try jiu jitsu.

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Arm Bars, Collar Chokes, and Families

August 24th, 2022

Tonight we learned the Duck Under from standing, a Back Take to Cross Collar Choke, Cross Collar Choke to an Arm Bar. My wife is good at cross collar chokes from the back, who knew.

A family who pays money to learn how to choke each other, stays together. My wife and her younger brother (my new brother-in-law) have joined the jiu jitsu gym I go to. I talked about bjj so often and the benefits of it and how much fun I’m having that they finally decided to give it a try.

I’ll be honest, I was worried about my wife getting seriously injured if she rolled with some stranger. But she survived just fine after rolling a bit with other gym members and also did part of an open mat, I feel much better, although still a bit nervous, but overall happy she is enjoying herself. Her younger brother is a white belt with lots of piss-and-vinegar, as they say, because he’s so into it and critiques my technique and gives advice as new white belts do. I like his enthusiasm. His first week he got one of the worst mat burns on his feet I’ve ever seen. White belts, amirite?

I hope we all stick with this martial art for a long time because it’s a great bonding experience. And we all look good in Rash Guards and Gi’s.

By the way, have you tried a free trial jiu jitsu class yet? You should, I think you’d enjoy it.

Your BJJ Journey and Nested Stories

August 17th, 2022

Your jiu jitsu rolling tells the story about your bjj journey so far. What you’ve learned, what you’ve forgotten, what you do instinctively, how you control your mind and body, how you breathe, and how you react under pressure of simulated fighting.

Your jiu jitsu journey is a collection of nested stories about what you’ve learned about yourself so far. Nested stories are stories within stories. Your main story is that you joined jiu jitsu and you’re learning techniques for a martial art. But other stories exist within your learning of the techniques.

Because when you learn techniques you’re also learning about: how your body works, how disciplined your are, what your cardio is like, how flexible you are, how you handle loss, how you handle winning, and how to interact with many different types of people. The list could go on and on, but the idea here is that your bjj journey has many stories going on at once. And they all have different paces, beginnings and endings.

Which stories within your epic tale of your jiu jitsu journey will provide the most useful answers for progress?

Maybe the story of the your breathing tells you it needs work to get it under control when rolling. That will help calm your nerves and help you think better in order to make good decisions. Maybe the story of your cardio tells you you need more reps and to show up more often. That will help you to last longer during open mat and sparring sessions. Maybe you need to work on your discipline for showing up to training or sticking with your bjj schedule and not skipping classes.

Think of all these stories combining to make a narrative structure that when read together tell the beautiful adventure of your bjj odyssey.

What is your jiu jitsu story so far and how will you tell it?

LATEST POSTS…

Getting Ready for Jiu Jitsu Class

August 15th, 2022

Walk the dogs first before leaving so our mini-spitz doesn’t pee on the carpet.

The gi should be hanging on the rack in the bedroom. Hopefully I washed the gi’s yesterday or I will have to get up early to wash them and also put them in the dryer and they will shrink and feel like cardboard.

Have a shower and brush teeth and use mouth wash because my rolling partners will thank me. Trim my nails if they need it and also file them after cutting because they could still be a bit sharp.

Put deodorant on before putting my rash guard on because it’s a pain to get that thing off once it’s on, especially if I’m sweating.

Tie gi pants several times because they still have draw strings from when they were first invented. They always come loose when rolling.

Pack my wallet, cell phone, kimono top, white belt with two stripes, mouth guard even though I don’t like wearing it, some medical tape just in case, and fancy water bottle from Starbucks.

Before leaving make sure to queue up the most recent podcast episode of My White Belt by Jim Trick on my iPhone so I can listen to it in the car on the way to class. Or a JRE podcast episode about UFOs and aliens.

Leave apartment unit and enter elevator. Check myself out in the mirror in the elevator and see how cool I look with my rash guard, gi pants, flip flops, fanny pack, and gym bag. Maybe take a selfie and share it on Twitter.

Drive to bjj gym while wondering what we’re learning today. Will it be a sweep? Or takedown? Or choke? Hopefully all three.

Get to gym and park in the same spot I always park in. Not too far and not too close.

Walk into bjj gym and sign in on the iPad. My name was entered twice when I first joined the gym. One correct and one incorrectly (my last name and first name are switched). I always sign in with the incorrect one. When I got my two stripes they called out my last name first and I wasn’t sure if they meant me or not.

After signing in take my flip flops off and put them to the side with everyone else’s in a messy pile near the door. Walk around in bare feet.

Since I have my gi pants and rash guard on already I don’t get changed in the change room. I just get my gi top and belt out of my bag and slap them on right in the waiting area. I’m usually one of the first people there. Punctuality is dope.

Fill up my water bottle at the fountain because I almost always forget to fill it up at home.

Say hi to all the white belts because the higher belts don’t come until later and are so mysterious.

Wait for the kids class to finish their last game and then they line up and come off the mats. The waiting area gets packed and stuffed.

Walk onto the mat and don’t bow because we don’t have to at our Gracie Barra because our instructors are chill and easy going.

Line up by belt rank. One time at a fundamentals class I was the highest ranking belt so I was at the top of the line. A cool feeling. Then a blue belt showed up late and that was the end of that.

While waiting for the head instructor to start class I might stretch but probably not.

We all bow in unison to the head instructor and start the funny warm ups of running back and forth, running backwards, side shuffle, criss cross, knees up, heels back, row your boat forward then backward, lunges or rolls, and then we all stretch together. Make sure to stretch near a partner you want to practice with so you can ask them first before someone else does.

And that’s basically it. Three to seven times a week. I highly recommend you join a free trial class because the world would be a safer place if everyone knew jiu jitsu.

See you on the mats!

FULL ARCHIVE…

BJJ, Life, and The Universe

August 4th, 2022

When starting jiu jitsu your body often goes into fight or flight when you spar. Will you give up or rise to the occasion and find out what you’re made of? A beautiful representation of the rich duality of life and death. Humanity at its finest. And you get to wear a cool Gi too.

Sparring with someone in jiu jitsu is like trying to figure out a unified theory of everything. How does it (techniques) all fit together? The mats are like a physicists lab. Tinkering with experiments and writing different formulas until you unlock the secrets of the universe. And it’s great for cardio too.

BJJ is an endless flow of techniques that all connect to each other. Like the infinite possibilities of probability of the many-worlds theory. I don’t think you can figure out all the moves in jiu jitsu but why not try? Also, everyone looks good in a rash guard.

You’re Never Too Old to Start Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

August 4th, 2022

The man in the featured picture above is Christopher Wienandt. He was 60 years old when he competed in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

“Get out there. It’ll be hard at first – harder than you could ever imagine – but it’s worth the effort. You’ll be healthier, you’ll feel better about yourself, and you’ll be part of a community of some of the greatest people in the world.”
Chris Wienandt, did BJJ at 60yo

I started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu at 36 years old

I wish I had started it sooner but I started it right when I need to. A lot of the people that go to our fundamentals class are men in their 40s and 50s which I love to see. There also is an older lady who has either four stripes or is a blue belt I can’t remember. It’s great to see people of all ages out on the mats learning the martial art and bettering themselves.

Here is an Interview with Chris Wienandt “Competitor Spotlight: Christopher Wienandt” by BJJ Classic.

“This picture is of my old friend Christopher Wienandt, my former teammate. Unfortunately he passed away a few years ago. A wonderful man and inspiration to many.”
tweet from Brad Springfield (seen below)

This picture is of my old friend Christopher Wienandt, my former teammate. Unfortunately he passed away a few years ago. A wonderful man and inspiration to many.
— Brad Springfield (@bs4911) April 8, 2022

Thanks for the inspiration, Chris, to your spirit wherever you are.

What Happens When You Take the BJJ Pill?

June 23rd, 2022

You go down the YouTube rabbit hole about guard passing, how to escape side control, and buggy chokes.

You buy a mouth guard.

You tie your gi belt incorrectly more often than you should.

You tell everyone to try jiu jitsu even though you’ve only been going for a week.

You discover #BJJTwitter and BJJ memes and r/bjj.

You find out who Mikey Musumeci and Gordon Ryan are.

You call out and critique moves when watching UFC and mma fights when they go to the ground.

You start wearing flip flops to the bjj gym.

You get mat burn all the time and it is now a permanent tattoo on your feet.

Your can’t move your fingers in the morning because you were death-grip fighting the night before.

You probably bruised a rib during your first week.

You eventually realize you spend money every month to fight strangers every week and after every class you shake each others hands.

You now hip-escape every time you turn over in your bed.

You question whether signing up was a good decision because you get triangled by teenage orange belts often.

You will think about bjj all the time.

You buy fitness mats made for exercising from Walmart so you can practice moves incorrectly at home with your wife.

You find out that hang-drying your washed gi is better than putting it in the machine dryer.

You discover you are worse at no gi bjj because it’s basically a different martial art.

You find out that not everyone knows what jiu jitsu is and that most people don’t do jiu jitsu but a lot of people do jiu jitsu.

You at least once consider quitting while sitting in your car after an open mat where you got choked out in front of the head instructor while they where telling you how not to get choked.

You accept that minor injuries are now a part of your everyday life.

You keep showing up in spite of the pain, injuries, fear, nervousness, and getting constantly submitted.

What else happens when you take the BJJ Pill?

See you on the mats!

FULL ARCHIVE…

Getting Belt Stripes in Jiu Jitsu

June 22nd, 2022

Have you ever received stripes in a martial art? And have you ever felt like you didn’t deserve them?

About a month ago I got promoted two stripes. I’m now a two stripe white belt in the martial art of Jiu Jitsu. I was so excited to get them I blasted it out on twitter to let all you folks know.

After the buzz I got from sharing my accomplishment and receiving your “congrats” messages, I started to question the decision, Do I really deserve these two stripes?

It first happened when I had a terrible outing during an open mat session at our gym the following week after I got the stripes. I got wrecked even harder than I usually did. I thought to myself, Why did our head instructor promote me in the first place?

I thought about it a bit and figured it was because I showed up a lot. Our head instructor went around the gym the day we got stripes and asked if we had signed in at the front before starting. I read somewhere on Reddit r/bjj that Gracie Barra does promotions based on attendance, and I recall many comments dumping on GB because of that. Any gym can run things how they want and no gym does it perfectly, but I think getting a stripe for showing up is a good thing (of course I’m biased because I got one for that, I think). The stripe can be a sign of commitment, your discipline in showing up and doing the hard work.

Okay so why did I receive a second stripe? Well the head instructor told me, after I said I was surprised I got two stripes, that “You competed and almost died!” with a laugh. We both laughed. It’s true I got beat and almost choked out, but survived the full five minute round (you can read about it here).

I got my stripes for showing up often to class and for competing. Not necessarily for how good I am at technique. But I have had other white belts and some higher belts tell me my game has improved, especially my back-defence. And that means a lot to me.

So, do I think I deserve those two stripes? YES

Jiu Jitsu is hard. Most people don’t do jiu jitsu. Most people in jiu jitsu don’t compete. And most white belts in jiu jitsu don’t stay after they get promoted to blue belt. Why? I have no Idea but I’m making it to blue belt for sure. I just have to keep showing up and getting worked by my partners. As I get my butt kicked I’ll learn along the way and eventually not get my butt kicked as bad, that’s the idea anyway. I have to roll smart and avoid permanent injury (You hear that shoulders! You better not get injured again!).

This marital art is a weird hobby or lifestyle. There are ups and downs and plateaus. I bet most people quit because of the downs and plateaus. I missed grappling when I was younger and joined jiu jitsu last year to get the good feeling of the mats back in my life. So far I am really enjoying it. Cheers to keeping the mats in my life for the foreseeable future.

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